When people ask what I do for a living, the conversation rarely gets more exciting.
Most of my days involve coffee, Word documents, spreadsheets, and a lot of questions that begin with, "What exactly do they mean by this?"
But every now and then, a tender document lands in my inbox that makes me stop, blink twice, and wonder whether anyone actually read it before releasing it.
After years of reviewing tenders across almost every industry imaginable, I've collected a mental catalogue of some truly bizarre procurement moments. Here are a few of my favourites.
The Tender that wanted everything in 200 words
Recently, I reviewed a tender where suppliers were asked to demonstrate their technical capability, project methodology, risk management approach, staffing structure, quality systems, environmental controls, innovation strategy, and previous experience.
The word limit? Two hundred words. Not per question. Total.
I've written LinkedIn comments longer than that.
The form that referenced a completely different contract
One tender included several mandatory forms. Halfway through completing them, I noticed the forms referenced an entirely different project in a completely different location. Either someone had copied and pasted the wrong template or we'd accidentally entered a parallel procurement universe.
To their credit, the buyer eventually issued an amendment - after several suppliers pointed it out.
The evaluation criteria that didn't match the scope
Occasionally, I'll see a tender where the evaluation criteria seem disconnected from what is actually being purchased. The scope might focus heavily on service delivery and technical capability. But the evaluation weighting? Sixty percent price, twenty percent compliance and twenty percent everything else.
At that point, suppliers start wondering whether the buyer wants the best solution or simply the cheapest one.
The missing pages mystery
One of my personal favourites involved a tender document that repeatedly referred to information contained in "Appendix C."
There was only one problem. Appendix C didn't exist. I searched. The client searched. Other suppliers searched. Eventually, an addendum was issued containing the missing information (apparently, Appendix C had enjoyed a brief but successful career as an invisible document).
The contradiction championship
Tender documents occasionally manage to contradict themselves with impressive efficiency. One section states that electronic submissions are mandatory. Another states that hard-copy submissions are required.
One page says subcontractors are permitted. Another says subcontractors are prohibited.
One schedule requests three referees. Another requests five.
It's like watching two different authors argue through a document.
The deadline that defied physics
Some procurement teams appear remarkably optimistic about how long complex submissions take to prepare. I've seen requests for detailed methodologies, pricing schedules, implementation plans, personnel resumes, management systems, financial statements, and project programs all due within a matter of days.
Technically possible? Perhaps. Practical? Not so much.r
The clarification that raised more questions
Sometimes suppliers submit a straightforward clarification question. The response should be simple - but instead, the answer somehow creates three entirely new questions.
Everyone involved finishes the process more confused than when they started. It's definitely a special talent!
Why this matters
These examples are amusing, but they highlight something important. Tendering isn't just about suppliers proving their capability. Buyers also need to clearly communicate what they're seeking.
The best procurement processes create clarity, encourage competition, and make it easy for evaluators to identify the strongest solution. The worst create confusion, frustration, and unnecessary risk for everyone involved.
Fortunately, most tenders fall somewhere in the middle. Although every now and then, one arrives that deserves a place in the Tender Document Hall of Fame. And trust me, those are the ones tender writers never forget.
If you have a tender thats frustratung the heck out of you, I’m always happy to talk. You can contact me on 0400 514 579 or shoot me an email to pauline@tenderwise.com.au.